A man was at the pearly white gates of heaven, and he was led into a room full of naked people, he decided to have a chat to Adam and Eve, he walked up to them and said hello. How did he know it was them if everyone was naked.

I'm sorry but this is the only one I have so far, I'd like to thank Rhys K for giving me this one, I'm sure he will give me more.

If you know of any puzzles please e-mail them to me, I'd appreciate it  THANX.
 

ITS OVER , I COULDNT BE STUFFED UPDATING IT ,  MAYBE NEXT TIME SORRY
 
 

All of my friends have confessed and said that they made a mistake from getting a nintendo. But they still try to argue that N64's are better because they are jealous that I have a bigger choice of games with better graphics on my PLAYSTATION

HERE ARE SOME N64 SCREEN SHOTS

Well I hope I have proved my point that N64 sucks and it has blocky graphics, a monster looks like a toothpaste box. Well in conclusion PLAYSTATION kicks ass but it is up to you if you would rather run aroung collecting coins like a dork or play something more your age. You can send e-mails to me to argue your point, you will never win. REMEMBER NEVER UNDER ESTAMATE THE POWER OF PLAYSTATION. DID I HEAR YOU SAY N64 WILL BRING OUT A BETTER GAME, DONT MAKE ME LAUGH, IF THEY DO, IT WONT BE A VERY LONG GAME BECAUSE CARTRIGES DONT HOLD MUCH INFO......... SORRY.

DONT E-MAIL ME AND SAY BUT WHAT ABOUT GOLDEN EYE, COS I WILL ADMIT IT IS A GOOD GAME BUT ITS THE ONLY ONE.
 
 

 PLAYSTATION

Playstation is the best console on the market. It has a vide variety of games and it covers for many different genres. Well I cant be stuffed telling you how good it is so go and buy one your self. Below is a thing that is good read it!!!!!!!

This is a little old, but most of it still holds true.

                         This part of my page will explain why the PSX is better the the
                         N64 in a logical, understandable way. I will try to respond to all
                         the stupid responses I've heard from N64 owners and try to help
                         you understand the way things are.

                         Who's Winning?
                         Easy, the PSX is...by far. Japan is the largest gaming country. If a
                         system does well there, it'll be ahead. In Japan, the PSX is winning
                         10:1. That means for every 10 N64s there are 100 PSXs. Wow.
                         In the U.K., PSX is winning 4:1. In Austrailia 2:1. In the U.S. the
                         PSX is not winning by as big of a margin, but it is. I'd also like to
                         say at this point that the GameBoy and the Saturn are outselling
                         the N64 in Japan. What does all this mean to you? Well, third
                         party developers go where the money is. And now, the money is
                         at the PSX. What's N64s biggest problem? Third party
                         developers. If you think that it is just outselling N64 you are
                         wrong. Not only that, but 3 major magazines have stated that the
                         PSX is better. EGM, Ultra Game Players, and Game Informer.
                         Every real gamer knows about these mags. EGM stated this in
                         their 1998 Video Game Buyers Guide. 5 people voted which was
                         better, and 5 people said PSX. Game Informer said this in their
                         Christmas issue and so did Ultra Game Players. Not one mag(with
                         the exception of Nintendo Power, even though they never
                         compared the 2) have said N64 was better. How about that?

                         What does the lineup look like?
                         This is another simple one. Obvioulsy it was the year of the PSX.
                         We saw great games like Tomb Raider 2, Crash Bandicoot 2,
                         Parappa the Rapper, Ace Combat 2, Colony Wars, Final Fantasy
                         7, IQ, GameDay '98, Bushido Blade, and more. That's what has
                         come out in JUST this holiday season. Let's comepare to N64s
                         holiday lineup. Diddy Kong Racing, Diddy Kong Racing, oh and
                         Diddy Kong Racing. And that game is argueably not that great.
                         Anyway we have an even better surprise...ready? 1998! Yes
                         1998 will show some of PSXs best games. Shall I list the
                         important ones? OK, Crime Killers, Blasto, Metal Gear Solid,
                         Resident Evil 2, Final Fantasy Tactics, Final Fantasy 8, Viligante
                         8, Gex: Enter the Gecko, WCW Nitro, and much, much more.
                         Now the N64ers will list the games that they say will be out, but
                         possibly never will. The N64 DD may never come out at all in the
                         U.S.(I'm not kidding, check around, and you'll find out) So all
                         those games might be canned. Also, Nintendo has had problems
                         with delays so you know what might end up happening.

                         CDs vs. Carts
                         This argument is a little difficuilt. Carts of course load quickly but
                         only hold and max 32 meg. You may have read 128 mega-bit or
                         something like that, but that is not the same. I don't care what
                         Nintendo says, it's only a fact that carts cannot make CD quality
                         sound. They just can't.

                                        Responses to N64 owners

                         The graphics are better!
                         True, but the 2 best graphical game in Ultra Game Players 1997
                         awards were Crash Bandicoot 2 and Colony Wars.

                         No loading time for carts.
                         If you can wait 5 months for a quality game then why can't you
                         wait 5 seconds for one to load?

                                          more coming soon...
 
EMAIL ME!    I will also give you facts and if you have got something good to say then I might put it on this page!!!

EMAIL HIM   Matthew is a cool person so why dont ya mail him or visit his SITE!!
 
If you want to see his crash bandicoot site, go to his link page and it will list all of his other pages!!!
 
                           Crash Bandicoot Corner is © 1996-1998 Matt McKenna

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY PAGE, PLEASE E-MAIL ME TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OR WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED OR REMOVED, THANX FROM
DAVE.

PLEASE CLICK ON THE BIRD TO E-MAIL ME!!!

JOKES
 

Well here it is, my jokes section. Below will be many jokes that will make you wet your pants.

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR CHICKEN JOKES THEN YOU HAVE COME TO THE WRONG PLACE!!

THE FIRST FEW JOKES ON HERE ARE PRETTY PATHETIC BUT I DIDNT MAKE THEM UP SO DONT BLAME ME!!!!!
 
  The Red Red Man

Once upon someone else’s time
There was a red red man in a red red house
Having a red red shower
Then there was a knock at the red red door
So the red red man exited the red red shower,
Put on a red red towel, walked down the red red stairs,
Through the red red corridor and opened the red red door
Just at that moment the red red towel fell down
And the person looked, shrieked, bolted across the street
And was struck by a Mack truck
The moral of the story is don’t cross while the red man’s flashing

Stuff

If you don’t like my driving,
Stand in the middle of the road and let me teach you something

If you don’t like my driving,
Get off the sidewalk
 
A brain is an amazing organ,
It starts working the moment you get up in the morning
And doesn’t stop until you get to school
 
If bank tellers can count,
How come they have 8 windows and only 4 people working?

Love thy neighbour,
But be sure her husband is away first!

To err is to compute
But to really fuck things up requires a human

When in charge, ponder
When in trouble, delegate
When in doubt, mumble

Never underestimate the power
Of human stupidity

Never be first
Never be last
Never volunteer

If it jams, force it
If it breaks, it needed to be replaced anyway

Want a taste of religion?
Bite a minister

I love cats,
They taste just like chicken

Nuke the unborn baby whales!

I dont suffer from insanity
I enjoy every second of it!

Man invented alcohol
God invented grass
Now who do you trust?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

All bicycles weigh 50 pounds :-
A 30 pound bike needs a 20 pound lock
A 40 pound bike needs a 10 pound lock
And a 50 pound bike doesn’t need a lock

Military laws :-

Friendly fire ... aint!

Incoming fire has the right of way

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
If its green or it wiggles, its Biology
If it stinks, its Chemistry
And if it doesn’t work, its Physics

Definitions

Idiot Box (n. ):
The part of the envelope that tells a person where to put
the stamp when they cant quite figure it out for themselves

Professor :
One who talks during someone else’s sleep

Volvo Jokes

What is the difference between a volvo and a Scotsman’s kilt?
There’s a bigger prick in the volvo

Why do volvos have safety gages on the doors?
To stop other drivers from getting in
and beating the living shit out of them

Blonde Jokes

When do you know if a Blonde has been on the computer?
When there’s white-out on the screen

When do you know if a Blonde has been on the computer again?
When there’s writing over the white-out

One day, 2 Blondes were travelling through a field, one of them looked out the window and saw a
Blonde in a row boat out in the middle of no-where.
She then turned to the other Blonde and said “You know, its Blonde’s like that who give us
Blonde’s a bad name, and if I could swim, I’d go out there and drown her!”

One day, a Blonde decided to go to Disney Land. When she was almost there she saw a sign which
read ‘Disney Land  - Left’. So she stoped for a second, thought to herself, then said “oh well”,
turned around and went home

Amazing Theories

You cant fall off the floor

Do someone a favour and it becomes your job

If there’s a wrong way to do something,
The odds are most people will do it every time

The cost of living is going up
But the chance of living is going down

To get the right answer, you must either
multiply by, divide by, add to or subtract from
the answer you have

If your parents don’t have sex,
The odds are that you wont either

There are three ways to get something done :-
Hire someone else to do it
Do it yourself
Forbid your kids from doing it

The grass is always greener on the other side
But that’s because they use more manure

It is much easier to ride a horse
in the direction he’s going

90% of everything is crud

An unbreakable toy can be used
to break other toys

When hammering a nail, you will never hit your fingers
if you hold the hammer with both hands

The 2 most abundant things in the universe
is hydrogen and stupidity
 

THINGS TO DO ON AN EXAM WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE
                      GOING TO FAIL IT ANYWAY

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Aundre, Aundre, I've found the secret documents!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself
out load. When the instructor asks you to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me
thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk off the instructor is

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at maximum level

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For
example: I refuse to answer this question as it is rather personal to talk about. Be creative

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor,
say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off

6. 15 min into the exam, stand up, rip all the papers up into little bits, throw them in the air and
shout "Marry Christmas!!" If your really daring, ask for another copy of the exam, say you lost the
first one. Repeat this process every 15 min

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head and nothing else

8. Come down with a BAD case of turret's syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible

9. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it

10. Bring things to through at the instructor when he/she isn't looking. Blame it on the person next
to you

11. Every 5 min. Stand up, collect your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam

12. Turn the exam in approx. 30 min into it. As you walk out start talking about how easy it was

13. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not
everyone's done, they are all leaving after 1 hr to go drink.)

14. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means that at one point during the exam you
should start crying for mummy)

15. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day

16. Come into the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start
yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away

17. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think off.
Get pi and imaginary numbers into most of the equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to
your own life story

18. Try to get people in the room to do a wave

19. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly doll. Put it next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small
sacrifice

20. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach

21. Take 6 packets of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 cakes into your mouth, chew, cough.
Repeat if necessary

22. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't
understand any of this!. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who
the hell are you? where's the regular guy?"

23. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up

24. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all the questions and answers completely blacked
out

25. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very
derogatory tone, "the light bulb above my head that goes on is hooked up to a clapper, DUH!"

26. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructors requests
to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to Bridge
on the River Kwai

27. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try
to work it out together.

THESE JOKES ARE NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND ANY ONE

Please send any jokes to me at the e-mail adress at the bottom of this page, thanks.
Your joke will be put up on this page along with your name.